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July/August 2006
In this special edition of Teen Talk, teens met and made-up their own outlandish stories similar to the ones that can be found in the Weekly World News. Here is a sampling of their work: Tupac Sighted in Aidare
Moshpit Some many years ago, this legendary rapper was shot and killed by an evil band of Irish rockers and left to rot in the gallows of a McDonald’s sewage dump where its famous Big Macs were created. The awesome long-haired reporter, Emily Velez, was forced to write a recap on this concert for Emo Core magazine. We interviewed her. US: Emily, how was the concert? Well, whatever exactly Tupac meant, we weren’t sure, but we managed to stun him and restrain him for an interview. Here is Emily’s interview: EV: Tupac, how did you manage
to come alive? He jumped back into the pit and before he could be caught again, he rode the crowd away from any reporters’ reach. “I don’t think he’s changed, really,” says local Vinelander Emily Velez. “Inside every bad boy is an Emo-geek.” And so, Tupac’s true fate remains a mystery. Will he spend his life devoted to commercial music, with no soul or intellect? We may never know. “We can only assume what will happen to our resurrected comrade. For years he has been a major influence and willing contributor to the youth and community,” says another local Vinelander, Helena Monica Luciana Mendez de la Luz. “Now he makes tight-flared jeans and t-shirts three times smaller than normal, approvable by visual means for rappers and hip-hoppers alike.” In conclusion…What the…? Warts into Action Have you heard yet what’s taking over? Warts are now a fashion line. Everyone is using them. Something about them makes the face moist and now make-up is needed because it gives a red-like color to your cheek. Get them now; they come in all shapes and sizes! Lil’ Jon Caught in Tutu?! This unusual rap/hip-hop star, who you know as “Lil’ Jon” has a very deep fetish for wearing tutus? No way, people say. And I declare, yes way! We had tried to track him down at Propaganda Studios, but he refused to talk. Five weeks later, we found him in Camden, NJ, “Crunk” dancing with his buddies in tutus. He saw that we caught him and now he’s decided to confess and tell us everything. He said, “Well, one day when I was 21, I was sweating so hard, I took all of my clothes off, and all that I saw for me to wear was a pink, frilly, sparkly, cute little tutu. I grabbed it and all of my best friends were wondering if I was sick because I was stuck in the bathroom. Well, I preferred to be stuck in the bathroom dancing my dreams in the sky (coughs)…uh, anyway, that’s it. I swear!” Lil’ Jon got up from where he was sitting and ran to the nearest window and broke through it. Well, this was an almost annoying and pointless review on Lil’ Jon’s obsession with tutus. Well, rap lovers, I believe this is all we have on this Crunk Juice lovin’ Atlanta, Georgia background-based man. This has been a report from the not-so-obsessed with herself, curly-haired sister of Emily Velez. My name is Maria Velez. Velez out. Ask the Magic 8-Ball
A: VERY DOUBTFUL.
Q. My friend says that seals are really scary. Is this true? I was thinking of getting one as a pet. A. ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q. Dear Magic 8 Ball, A: MY REPLY IS NO. |